Emphasis on the old

For nearly a decade, AARP has hounded me to join its ranks.

Always, I refused.

I wasn’t old, I wasn’t retired, I wasn’t seeing the point.

But, finally, now that I am retired, I gave in to their constant entreaties and I smacked down $16 and waited for that first magazine which would point out all the wonderful things about being retired.

That’s not what I got.

In this first issue as an official member, I was able to read in detail how I could figure out if I was dying from some dread disease.

If I couldn’t recognize a picture of Madonna, I might be suffering from dementia. Well, when I saw Madonna on the Grammys, I wasn’t sure it was her. She looks different every time I see her and her voice is not so memorable that I can just pick out of a crowd of other female voices. In the magazine, she looked a lot like Cameron Diaz to me.

They also quizzed me about Parkinson’s, Alzheimer’s and the likelihood of future disabilities if I can’t open a jar of jam.

I didn’t sign up with AARP to build a case of depression. I thought I was joining millions of other people in their 50s who refuse to believe they’re actually old and want to form a voting group to prove that we’ve got the power.

I was too discouraged to read the rest of the magazine so I threw it in with the recycling. Yes,  now that we can recycle magazines, I’ve found a new cherished spot for the AARP magazine.

Now I’m going to go open a jar, look up Madonna online, and practice some memory exercises — if I can remember the website where I found them in the first place.

 

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One thought on “Emphasis on the old

  1. You got this one exactly right, Geri! It’s mind over matter and we ignore all that being sick stuff. Read travel pamphlets and awesome recipes using exotic ingredients. Our AARP mag goes right in the recycle. However, AARP weighs in on our retirement income and Medicare issues and taxation questions regarding retired folk – thanks to the number of members they tout. So we sleep well, but ignore the rhetoric!

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