For some reason, of late I have been standing in line. It seems constantly.
And I have discovered that I don’t queue up very nicely.
I first noticed my out of a-line-ment problem at the library, of all places..
As I headed to the checkout, which features a clear sign telling people where to start lining up, I noticed people were standing about all over the place.
“Are you in line?” I asked someone who wasn’t standing anywhere near the sign.
“Yes,” she said, looking at me as if something was wrong with me.
I proved her right by edging right up behind her until I was breathing down her neck.
Little by little, she edged forward until she was standing pretty close to the right place, so I backed off.
This is a frequent problem at the library so I often find myself riding herd on the reading impaired, shepherding them into an acceptable formation.
My next encounter with poorly trained line standers was at the post office. I had unwittingly chosen the day after a holiday to visit the post office. Turns out, that’s a very busy day.
I encountered a guy standing in the door lock, just outside the door to the lobby. “Are you in line?” I politely asked him.
“Yes,” he said, looking at me suspiciously as if perhaps he knew my history with library line standers. I didn’t want to disappoint him so I crowded into his personal space until he opened the door and popped into the lobby, with me right behind him. I continued to crowd him forward as other people were coming in behind me and they also wanted to get in the door.
The most annoying lines, though, have been at Marcus Theater where Tuesday movies draw a big crowd, especially at the concessions stand because free popcorn is offered.
The concessions workers are slow, the people standing in line show no impatience — except for me, and the lines resemble something out of a second grade lineup for the cafeteria. Except I’m sure the teachers enforce much stricter straight line rules with second graders.
If I’m ever unfortunate enough to be in a police lineup, I’m pretty sure I’ll have to bully the other participants into a straight line.